Archive for October, 2009

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Surveilling the Surveillance

October 28, 2009

When smoking your cigarette in front of the Main, raise your head and show your “Middle finger!”

When eating your meal in the union court, raise your head and say “Hi Mom!”

If you are walking on the street, don’t forget to show your right cheek to the one on top of the SCEN.

Always follow this rule: “Never turn your face to Waltons”

They lock you in the space. If you know one of them is looking at you, you never feel comfortable until you leave its field of view. You don’t have to be a math genius to calculate when you are out of sight. When you are in, well.., you are in. When you get closer to the boundary, other side becomes clearer. One more step, then you are out of here….and caught by another one.

The ones that I like most are the simple kinds. Chaps carry it to places when necessary, and stick it into your faces. In these cases, the best thing to do is to stare at them if you have nothing to hide. Stare long enough that they feel uncomfortable. Try it. Really. If possible, pull out your old camera and take their pictures.

When you take their pictures, they take notes.

“He is a half-Scandinavian with half unlit cigarette in his mouth. She is post-Mormon with a second degree burning. He is a savage with hair and beard all mingled up.
Freaks. All suspicious. Give as much trouble as possible in their lateral/federal relations. ”

Indeed, Mr.Olmert. Our freak show is better than your $ 40000  stand-up comedy.
Yes, Mr.Olmert. We still have something to hide, but you live under the Surveillance.
And, Mr.Olmert. It worth every single second of it.

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any device or part for stopping the motion

October 25, 2009

Ger. Loch “opening, hole”
Goth. usluks “opening”
c.1300, from O.E. lucan “to lock, to close”
c.1839, Lock-up “detention cell for offenders”

“to open” or “to close” ? Depends on which side you are at.

Aluminum Door Locks, Bars, Alarms, Bells, Bolts, Cabinet Locks, Cam Locks, Card Readers, Chains, Code Machines, Codes Cards, Combination Padlocks, Deadlocks, Desk Locks, Decoders, Drawer Locks, Elbow Catches, Flush Bolts, Followers, Guards, Gun Lock, Hide-A-Keys, Holders, Intercom System, Jimmy Proof Locks, Keyless Locks, Knob Locks, Letter Stamps, Lever Locks, Magnetic Locks, Mailbox Locks, Pad Locks, Pocket Door Locks, Safe Locks, Signs, Switch Locks, Timers, Visors ……amazing, isn’t it?

My personal choice is Chubb Locks from the The Great Train Robbery.

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garip iste

October 23, 2009

imdi buraya yazdiklarimi bir cogunuzun anlayamayacak olmasi ne garip..
insanlara ayni anda bu kadar yakin olup bir o kadar da uzak olmak ne garip.
en basitinden sevginin bile aralara takilmasi ne garip.
ve en kotusu de, buna uygun bir cozumun olmamasi ne garip,

ve kucuk sorunlarin altinda buyuk adammiscasina ezilmek.

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everything has a place, everything is in its place

October 22, 2009

I used to play a game by myself when I wasn’t here. First, I was using a random number generator to create a list of single digit numbers. Then I was going to the nearest bus stop to start my journey. Following the numbers in order, I was taking the Xth bus, and getting off the bus at the next random Xth stop. Then take another bus, and get off in another stop. This silly thing was going on until the list had no more numbers. Going back home was usually a pain though. Unfortunately, in a small town like this I cannot do it anymore. Luckily, bus rides are no less exciting.

I was waiting for the blue bus in a clear day. It was hot too. A truck slowed down, and parked. A 14-15 years old, chubby kid opened the passenger door, and left the driver behind. He was dressed like a power plant worker. He put his fancy sun-glasses on. He saw me, and bowed his head. So did I. He went to the back of the truck and grabbed a weird looking gadget with funky attachments. He girt on the gadget painfully slowly. He started the thing, and looked at me-or at least that’s what I imagined. I stepped back from the post. There was grass around the bus sign, but nowhere else. He ran the thing with great enthusiasm. He was really enjoying using it, and I was enjoying watching him. Unfortunately, it took a couple of seconds for him to finish his job. He was sad, so I was. Very slowly he put the gadget back. He bowed his head again, then opened the passenger door. The truck left.

He had missed a couple. I leaned down and completed his work.

In Athens-Greece, buses are called metaphorai. When going from one place to another in a bus, you traverse places. When going from one place to another in a bus, you are in a metaphor.

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Ingredients and Directions

October 18, 2009

Snickers candy bars
funnel cake mix
frying oil

Push popcicle sticks into Snickers bar from the bottom about half way up.
Freeze Snickers until frozen solid.
(For the funnel cake batter, you can either buy the mix at the store or make your own batter)
Dip frozen Snickers into the batter.
Fry in hot oil until golden brown (just a few minutes).
Remove from oil and drain.
Top with powdered sugar or caramel sauce if desired.

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a note for my three second fish memory

October 15, 2009

comps are over.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009.
16:30

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aei goipee gpein arkansoway tenim

October 11, 2009

Escalator took me down very slowly. First they saw my shoes, then my trousers, then my t-shirt, then my glasses. Then they put aside the board which was holding my name. First I saw their shoes, then their faces. There was no need for a board holding my name. Apparently, I was already the inveterate foreigner. They immediately knew who I was, even though I was trying to pretend like it was the sixth time I was using the very same escalator. I immediately knew who they were. For no reason they were quite excited to see me, as if I was their grandson.

OW: old woman
OM: old man
M-t: Me, thinking
M-s: Me, speaking

OW: Welcome! I am OW and this is my husband OM.
OM: aei goipee gpein arkansoway tenim
M-t: what?
M-s: Thank you so much for volunteering to pick me up from the airport. It’s very nice of you.
OW: No problem at all. We’re glad you’re here.
OW: OM it is late, but let’s give him a quick tour.
OM: aei goipee gpein arkansoway tenim
M-s: You already did so much for me. I really don’t want to take any more time of yours.
M-t: Please drop me where I am staying. I can barely speak.
OM: aei goipee gpein arkansoway tenim
OW: No, that’s okay. Look this is the street.
OM: aei goipee gpein arkansoway tenim
M-s: Yes, I read about it before coming here. It looks like a fun place.
OW: Well, we don’t understand these people. I think they are doing wrong things.
M-t: What the fuck?
M-t: Well, the street looked longer in the pictures. Is this the one I’ll build my life around?
OM: aei goipee gpein arkansoway tenim
M-t: Oh OM! I really cannot understand what you are saying. Sorry.
OW: Do you go to church?
M-s: I beg your pardon.
OW: Do you go to church?
M-s: Well, we don’t have churches where I come from. I mean we have, but a few. In fact, I am not a religious person.
M-t: Glad I didn’t say I am an atheist. Nobody wants to make a nice cute old couple sad.
OM: aei goipee gpein arkansoway tenim
M-s: But I’d love to join you someday. It can be a nice cultural experience.
M-t: Fuck! You couldn’t have said something more cliché than this. Well done!
OW: Here is our card. Call or drop us a line anytime. By the way, this is the place you will stay.
M-s: Thank you so much for everything.
OM: aei goipee gpein arkansoway tenim
OW: It was so nice to meet with you. See you soon.
M-s: Indeed.

Golden
New world
Rain clouds
Mountains
Ride my Pony
Ride him Slowly
Smiling
All day long